Tips for Possessive

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Both parties in a relationship, they can become the “possessive” of the relationship, often to the detriment of the union. Ironically, the more possessive a person becomes, the more their partner will fight to be free, making him or her develop an even greater need to control the situation. Possessives live a vicious and emotionally draining circle. The dominant force behind the possessive person, no matter if he is a man or a woman, is insecurity.

People who have high self-confidence and are happy with themselves, have faith that their partner loves them and do not feel the need to control the relationship or to control their partner. Contrary to this, someone who is insecure may doubt their partner’s dedication and then try to maintain control over her. Simply put, these are people who feel vulnerable and will do whatever it takes to make sure they are not hurt by the partner.

Being possessive of other people is based on feelings of insecurity and lack of affection. That such insecurity can have several points of origin: the abandonment of the father or mother when he/she was a child, the infidelity of a romantic couple in the past, and others. Being possessive often comes from deep jealousy and fear of not being loved by the partner.

According to some researchers, jealousy is actually a part of evolution. They consider that men tend to be more jealous regarding their partners’ sexual infidelity, while women feel more jealous when it comes to emotional infidelity. The reasoning for this is that men want to make sure that their genes, and not another man’s, are the ones that are passed on to children. While women traditionally needed to maintain a man’s emotional love in order to receive his shelter and protection.

Currently, some of this evolutionary jealousy is still at play, while other factors (such as whether a person has been betrayed or abandoned in the past) are almost always those that are put on the table.

Are you or your partner too possessive?

Anyone in a relationship with someone possessive to the point that they even fear for their safety should seek help immediately. If someone acknowledges that both he/she or their partner is only a little possessive, they should realize that some of this feeling and even some jealousy is absolutely normal, but that if it becomes excessive, the relationship is at risk. What can be done?

The following tips can be very helpful to put aside these feelings and be able to manage the relationship with a possessive partner in such a way that it manages to flourish.

Identify the reasons … why that feeling of ownership has developed.

Most likely it is a fear of abandonment that makes the person possessive and not related at all to the partner as such.

We have to let fear and insecurity leave our lives

If we notice possessive tendencies, we will need to learn to raise our self-esteem and prevent negative feelings about ourselves from filling us with fears of possible infidelity. It is advised that if we are in a relationship with someone who is possessive, we try to understand that such an attitude comes from his fear that we will leave him. To help them manage this, it is necessary to recognize that our partners permanently need extra assurance of our love for them.

Be honest with ourselves

If our partner is excessively possessive, let’s not stop doing those things we love just to please him. We can reassure our dedication to the relationship by talking to them about it, but under no circumstances should we give up and let go of our interests because of their absurd insecurity.

Let him know your desire to move on… or walk away

Part of the cycle that maintains possessiveness in such a tumultuous relationship is that one of the two members of the couple adjusts their grip and the other tries to move further and further away. If both decide to put aside that need for control or that desire to get away, there will be much less fuel and the fire will go out.

Remember this is all just … feelings

When someone chases us we feel the need to run away. We have to keep in mind that this is only a feeling and not a reality. The more we focus on letting negative feelings drift away from the relationship, the easier it will be to feel secure and devoted to the loved one again, without needing to control it.

Love must be reaffirmed

Sometimes all a person needs to stop being possessive or jealous is reassurance that they are loved. Taking the time to rekindle the flame of love in the relationship will increase shared happiness and give you both peace and quiet. When God is allowed to be part of a relationship there will be fewer misunderstandings, and if there are – which is normal – it will be easier to overcome them and live happily.

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