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Although useful for improving important relationships, jealousy is likely to encourage harmful behavior.
The fear of being replaced or cheated and the desire for exclusivity can force someone to obsessively monitor a partner’s communication, reports and location information. People who are sickly jealous even try to reduce their partner’s self-confidence, and often go so far as to incite violent behavior.
As a natural and universal emotion, the recognition of its presence can guide people in strengthening their relationships. By admitting feelings of jealousy and exploring the emotions that underlie them, we can avoid angry arguments and set the stage for a productive conversation about what might be missing from the relationship and how to repair the bond.
This being established, it is, therefore, advisable to take a closer look at this phenomenon in order to learn to deconstruct it and prevent its excess.
1. Listen to your emotions
Before understanding how to get rid of jealousy, it should be explained.
Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses feelings of rage, humiliation, insecurity, fear, and worry about the loss of property, status or an emotional bond. It strikes both men and women and is most often provoked when a person perceives that a valuable relationship is threatened by a competitor. However, the threat can be real or imagined.
Jealousy is not limited to romantic relationships, it can also arise between brothers and sisters in competition to attract the attention of parents, between work colleagues or friends.
Although jealousy is a painful emotional experience, psychologists do not see it as an emotion to suppress, but to listen to as a signal, a warning that a valued relationship is in danger and that steps must be taken to regain its affection of his companion or friend.
Therefore, jealousy is considered a necessary emotion, because it preserves social ties. This motivates people to adopt behaviors that maintain important relationships.
2. Others are not enemies
The threat that we perceive in contact with people who stir up our jealousy is largely formulated by our unconscious. Even before trying to establish social relations, these people who are too “beautiful”, “intelligent”, “rich”, “charismatic” … are categorized as toxic, harmful. To the point of developing a certain rage, a hatred that rests only on a desire to share their stature.
The problem is that this feeling is very often based on appearance, and that appreciation is a subjective phenomenon by nature. But it is too easy to forget that these same people also suffer from certain insecurity and face their own doubts. Quickly, we demonize, we idealize jealous individuals, as if their very existence was based around the desire to belittle us, to point the finger at our shortcomings.
Jealousy is always devoid of objectivity and pushes us to paint a negative picture, which generates mistrust and aggressiveness. But come to think of it, who is the first victim of such behavior? Who suffers daily from this state of mind? The person who feeds on it to build their evolution…
3. Don’t compare yourself to others
Definitely, this myth which would like that all the individuals with whom we come into contact judge us, evaluate us, and formulate negative opinions with hard skin! The gaze of others is obviously one of the sources of jealousy. This need to compare ourselves, who want to do better, to gain more recognition that the other members of our environment poison us.
To the point of preventing us from being realistic: the only person we can compare ourselves to is ourselves. Each human being is different and has their own system of thought and values forged by experience and understanding of the world around them. Why then perpetually want to stimulate competition and the desire to crush the other?
We are only equal in rights and obligations. As for the rest, our potentials, our qualities, our desires are totally different. There is nothing to prove to us that our jealousy is justified or that these “victims” of our relentlessness are not themselves envious of us.
4. Overcome your lack of confidence
In fact, jealousy often materializes by a feeling of anxiety which pushes us to question the trust we place in others and in ourselves. We have all heard of people who check their partner’s cell phone or check their emails to make sure he/she is not having a romantic relationship with a third person.
But what does this express? If not psychological imprisonment, a spiral of uncertainty and ill-being?
How can you only live if you doubt everything and everyone, all the time? Would this not be a deprivation of individual and collective liberty?
Is this the way we would like to be treated and perceived? Like potential traitors or dishonest people who hide the truth?
Relational jealousy is an obvious factor of stress and conflict development. It is in reality only an unconscious fear of being neglected, a questioning of its own value. It is by working on strengthening one’s self-confidence, by accepting to believe rather than suspecting that jealousy can be made a bad memory.
Easier said than to be done? Perhaps, but it still represents the first step. Awareness and introspection are always decisive elements when one approaches psychology. Knowing how to face your fears is to allow yourself to fight them and not live under the influence of the discomfort they produce.